Saturday, July 31, 2010
"Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something."
"I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me."
See more Mitch Hedberg quotes here
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on
It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat
Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often
Read more here
Can you read people's thoughts just by looking at them?
100 Places to Get Information Online
Style Guide given to all journalists of The Economist
Little known uses for household products
Alternative Facebook Default Profile Pictures
Things That Drive an Editor Crazy
Joaquin Phoenix: “Do I have a large frog in my hair? I have the sensation that something is eating my brain.” (I still love you Joaquin)
George Gobel: “If it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching television by candlelight.”
Read more of the Dumbest Celebrity Quotes here
Friday, July 30, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Tour of a house that is less than 100 square feet (My apt is roughly the same size. My bathroom is bigger however)
A GIANT listing of resource sites
List of personality, Intelligence and Compatibility tests
Unusual deaths throughout history
Tag browser- Search web for specific tags>
It's against the law to have a pet dog in Iceland
Lightning strikes about 6,000 times per minute on this planet
The average American drinks about 600 sodas a year
Bats always turn left when exiting a cave
Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin
Go here for more trivia
1. Rochelle Rochelle
4. Death Blow
5. Cry Cry Again
7. Prognosis Negative
9. Flaming Globes of Sigmund
10. The Other Side of Darkness
Go here to see description of each: Fictional Seinfeld Movies
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
93% of motorists consider themselves to be safer-than-average drivers.
90% students see themselves as more intelligent than the average student.
94% of college professors said they are better-than-average teachers.
Ironically, 92% said they are less biased than average, too.
The psychology term for this is illusory superiority.
To me, this was like finding out I'm a cylon, or this is the Matrix. Hard to accept facts.
At first, like almost everybody, I thought, “Yes, but I really am above average!” Then I realized I was doing it again.
So I decided to gamble on the opposite:
I now just assume I'm below average.
It serves me well.
I listen more. I ask a lot of questions.
I've stopped thinking others are stupid. I assume most people are smarter than me.
To assume you're below average is to admit you're a beginner. It puts you in student mind. It keeps your focus on present practice and future possibilities, and away from any past accomplishments.
Most people are so worried about looking good that they never do anything great.
Most people are so worried about doing something great that they never do anything at all.
You destroy that paralysis when you think of yourself as such a beginner that just doing anything is an accomplishment.
By Derek Sivers
Sunday, July 25, 2010
HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF
- Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
- In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
- Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
- If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
- Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
- Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
- Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
- Practice making fax and modem noises.
- Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
- Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
- Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
- Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
- Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
- Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
- Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
- Staple pages in the middle of the page.
- Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
- Honk and wave to strangers.
- Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
- TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
- type only in lowercase.
- dont use any punctuation either
- Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
- Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
"DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
- As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
- Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
- Ask people what gender they are.
- While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
- Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
- Sing along at the opera.
- Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
- Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Click on image to make it bigger (but not much)
via The Daily What
Read more here
Friday, July 23, 2010
- One Star Hangover:
No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere disco nap, which has given you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 10 sodas and still feel this way. You are craving a steak bomb and a side of gravy fries.
- Two Star Hangover:
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a rootie tootie fresh and fruity pancake breakfast from IHOP. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
- Three Star Hangover:
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer 86'd you at 1:45 a.m. Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts and a meatball hero watching the E! fashion awards. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 Snapples and a liter of diet coke, yet you haven't peed once.
- Four Star Hangover:
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, (girls, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big vein and your hair style makes you look like a reject from the class picture of Grover Cleveland HS, class of '84.
- Five Star Hangover:
AKA "Dante's 4th Circle of Hell."
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the shit fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you. Death seems pretty good right now. You definitely don't remember who you were with, where you were, what you drank and why there is a stranger still sleeping in your bed at your otherwise empty house.
- Six Star Hangover:
Otherwise known as the "Infinite Nut smacker"
You wake up on your bathroom floor. For about 2 seconds you look at the ceiling, wondering if the cool refreshing feeling on your cheek is the bathroom tile or your vomit from 5 hours ago. It is amazing how your roommate was as drunk as you, but somehow managed to get up before you. You try to lift your head. Not an option. Then you inadvertently turn your head too quickly and smell the funk of 13 packs of cigarettes in your hair. Suddenly you realize you were smoking, but not ultra lights... some jackass handed you Marlboro reds, and you smoked them like it was your second full time job. You look in the mirror only to see remnants of the stamp "Ready to Rock" faintly atop your forehead... the stamp on the back of your hand that has magically appeared on your forehead by alcoholic osmosis. You have to be to work in t-minus 14 minutes and 32 seconds and the only thing you can think of wearing is your "hello kitty" pajamas and your slippers.