Sunday, September 29, 2013

tastefullyoffensive:

[bizarrocomics]






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Finale Tonight!






The cast all together.  This show will be missed.  I wonder how the Saul spin off will be...


11 Predictions For The Series Finale Of “Breaking Bad”

A rare sight






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Everytime






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Superpower






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Manipulation







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A Married Christian Woman

A very Christian woman marries a very Christian man. Following the words of the Bible, "Be fruitful and multiply," they have many children. 16 over the course of 18 years, to be exact.
A few years later, the husband dies suddenly of a heart attack. The lady remarries another man, and they have 17 children over the course of 22 years. The woman's second husband dies of old age.
The woman herself dies a few years later. At her funeral, her sister remarks, "Well, at least they're finally together."
"Who? She and her husbands?" asks the pastor.
"No," says the sister. "Her legs."


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September 11. 12 years. One GIF.

http://d3j5vwomefv46c.cloudfront.net/photos/large/807933560.gif






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http://i.imgur.com/8UyD93T.jpg






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Only 3 types of people tell the truth

http://i.imgur.com/okAC79K.jpg






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Lightning Strike caught on a Security Camera

http://i.imgur.com/ELnLmQf.gif






If you look close you can see a second strike in the middle.




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Clapping

http://i.imgur.com/Cll06Pn.jpg






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Pro Armwrestler vs Pro Bodybuilder





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People will complain no matter what you do

http://i.imgur.com/TbAQ5ON.jpg






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Lost Some Weight?

http://i.imgur.com/7rgyzZG.jpg






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Best Belly Flop

http://wac.9ebf.edgecastcdn.net/809EBF/ec-origin.boston.barstoolsports.com/files/2013/09/fratflop.gif






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You want penguins in your wedding?

http://i.imgur.com/Wp9L0sF.gif






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Gel absorbs impact, allows man to be beat about the head with shovel unharmed






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Sorry it took me so long to answer

http://i.imgur.com/MnIpWVR.jpg







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Life Motto

http://i.imgur.com/VH9n3ao.jpg






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http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/shes-weak-ignore-her1.gif







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Braids

http://i.imgur.com/jW8U7M0.png







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How to brush your teeth while on vacation

http://i.imgur.com/RlKVJxZ.gif 




Broccoli

So a grocer is restocking the vegetables when a woman taps him on the shoulder and says "Excuse me Sir, but where do you keep the broccoli?" The man replies "Well ma'am we're out of broccoli today, but we get some more tomorrow so come back then."

The woman nods and walks away while the grocer continues stocking the carrots. A few minutes later the same woman taps the grocer on the shoulder and asks "Sir, I was wondering where I could find the broccoli?"

Confused, the grocer says "Well ma'am we are out of broccoli today. However, we will have more tomorrow morning. Come back tomorrow."

The woman smiles and thanks him as she walks away. Shaking his head, the grocer turns his attention back to the carrots. Moments later the woman again taps him on the shoulder and asks "Pardon me, but do you know where the broccoli is?"

The grocer looks at her angrily and says "Let me ask you something. How do you spell dog, like in dogmatic?" The woman replies "D-O-G" "Okay" says the grocer. "Now how do you spell cat, as in catatonic?" "C-A-T" says the woman. "Perfect" the grocer replies. "Now how do you spell fuck, like in broccoli?" Confused, the woman says "But, there is no fuck in broccoli."

The grocer says "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YA LADY! THERE'S NO FUCKIN' BROCCOLI!"


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Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Taking another break


I will be away for a few days for surgery.  Posts should be resuming around 9/10.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Rare Things







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Soda Reaction

happyhagfish:

YEAH SCIENCE





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School






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Arguing with an engineer






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Stereotypes: Golf








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http://i.imgur.com/z6Yn0ay.gif





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Reddit asks: What is a joke that takes a moment to understand?

  • I was in a nightclub the other day and a guy started having an epileptic fit. Everyone was just stood there saying "look, he's having a fit." I said "why don't you take a picture, it'll last longer."

  •  Your mama is so unfamiliar with the gym, she call it James.

  •  What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? A pickpocket snatches watches

  •  A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, "I'll take 5 beers please."

  • The farmer was counting his cows when they were all out grazing in the field. He counted 196, but when he rounded them up he had 200.

  • What's the best part about living in Switzerland?
           I don't really know, but the flag is a big plus.
 

Monday, September 2, 2013






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Young Pickup






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Haiku






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Reddit asks: What is one fact that sounds like bullshit but is actually true?

  • The last time the Chicago Cubs won the world series, the Ottoman Empire still existed and lollipops had not been invented.
  • Maine is the closest state to Africa.
  • A day on Venus is longer than a year on Venus. 
  •  Honey never spoils. You could eat 5000 year old honey. 
  • A standard 52 card deck of playing cards has 80,658,175,170,943,878,571,660,636,856,403,766,975,289,505,440,883,277,824,000,000,000,000 possible permutations. If you were to randomly shuffle a deck of cards right now, it would be extremely improbable that the resulting permutation has ever been seen in the history of earth. 
  • 14 years before the Titanic sank, a fictional story was written by a man named Morgan Robertson. In the story, the ship was described as the largest ever built at the time (same as the Titanic), it was also woefully short on lifeboats, and it also struck an iceberg and sank. The ship in the story was also a triple screw propeller liner, and it was named the Titan. 
  •  Coconuts kill more people than sharks every year.

Go here to read more

Wishes

http://i.imgur.com/DN8fBGf.gif






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How to open a beer

http://i.imgur.com/el9qDHW.gif





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Jim Gaffigan Jokes

http://i.imgur.com/FxOQghG.jpg





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Guess Who?

http://i.imgur.com/ioCJCxl.jpg





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How they met

http://i.imgur.com/wSQJ1Kj.jpg





jimbenton

Holy Shit




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At the paint store

http://i.imgur.com/JucapsN.jpg






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Penis Van Lesbian

Back in the 50's, a man walked into a Hollywood agent's office. He told the agent that he wanted to be a big star and that he wanted the agent to represent him. The agent asked the man's name, to which he proudly replied, "Penis Van Lesbian." Taken aback, the agent said, "If you want to be a big star, you will have to change your name." The man, somewhat offended, told the agent, "The Van Lesbian name goes back centuries and I am very proud of my name! I will never change my name! Ever!" "Then I won't be able to represent you." Said the agent. "Then good day to you, sir!" The man yelled as he stormed out of the office.
Five years later, the agent received a letter along with a check for $50,000, written out to him. He wondered if it was sent to him by mistake until he read the letter.
The letter said,
Dear Sir, Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood and you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis Van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation. Thank you for your advice..
Sincerely,
Dick Van Dyke


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Disney Irony

http://i.imgur.com/jU3Trtw.jpg





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