Thursday, February 27, 2014

Ultimate Towing Compilation




Uniformedia

The Affair

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''


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The Trouble with Doors

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One Inch of Snow - The Trailer




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Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Texting a laugh


cinismo ilustrado

Awkward Road Rage Moment



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Widdle Wabbits

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits? "

 As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there? "

She in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice,  "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit. "


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Milk Bubbles



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Blame the ad on this


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A Prius Pick up


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Monday, February 17, 2014

Science Jokes

  1. A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies: “No, I’m travelling light.”
  2. “Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?”
  3. What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac spend most of his time doing? Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
  4. A TCP packet walks into a bar, and says to the barman: “Hello, I’d like a beer.” The barman replies: “Hello, you’d like a beer?” “Yes,” replies the TCP packet, “I’d like a beer.”
  5. An electron is driving down a motorway, and a policeman pulls him over. The policeman says: “Sir, do you realise you were travelling at 130km per hour?” The electron goes: “Oh great, now I’m lost.”
  6. Pavlov is enjoying a pint in the pub. The phone rings. He jumps up and shouts: “Hell, I forgot to feed the dog!”
  7. How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish.
  8. There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that know binary, and those that don’t.
  9. When I heard that oxygen and magnesium hooked up I was like OMg.
  10. The barman says: “We don’t serve faster-than-light particles here.” A tachyon enters a bar.
  11. A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says: “Make me one with everything.”
  12. What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder.
  13. An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are walking down the street together. A juggler is performing on the street but there are so many people that the four men can’t see the juggler. So the juggler goes on top of a platform and asks: “Can you see me now?” The four men answer: “Yes.” “Oui.” “Si.” “Ja.”
  14. Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
  15. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it’s a hardware problem.
  16. A student travelling on a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting next to him. Excited, he asks: “Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?”
  17. Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? He got off on a technicality.
  18. Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says: “Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it’s funny or not?” Gödel replies: “We can’t know that because we’re inside the joke.” Chomsky says: “Of course it’s funny. You’re just telling it wrong.”
  19. A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says: “Five beers, please.”
  20. Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.
  21. An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The bartender says: “What’ll it be, boys?” The first mathematician: “I’ll have one half of a beer.” The second mathematician: “I’ll have one quarter of a beer.” The third mathematician: “I’ll have one eight of a beer.” The fourth mathematician: “I’ll have one sixteenth of a…” The bartender interrupts: “Know your limits, boys” as he pours out a single beer.
  22. What does the “B” in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for? Answer: Benoit B Mandelbrot.
  23. Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French café, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress: “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies: “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?”
  24. A classics professor goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended. The tailor asks: “Euripides?” The professor replies: “Yes. Eumenides?”
  25. A programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.



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Stabilized Roll Test




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9 Out of 10



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Barometer



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Let me show you how to break your back



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Link List 2-17-14

Michael Keaton Confirms 'Beetlejuice 2' Talks With Tim Burton - This better not suck.

 

Why Major Creative Breakthroughs Happen in Your Late 30's

 

The 10 Most Powerful Private Military Companies in The World

 

Reality Show Snake-Handling Preacher Dies...of Snakebite



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Like you stole it



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