Monday, June 30, 2014

Careful who you piss off



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Sunday, June 29, 2014

The Meaning of Exclusion



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Rock Skipping



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Oddly Satisfying



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Thursday, June 26, 2014

Drunk Fails Compilation





FailArmy

Perspective



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Me in the sun



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Close Call





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The Tired Marine

A Marine boarded a train on his way home from deployment. The train was quite crowded, and the Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat. There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed middle-aged French woman, but when he got there he saw it was taken by the woman's poodle.
The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"

The French woman sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."

The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat available was under that dog. "Please, Ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired," he asked again.

She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"

This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window and sat down. The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor! Put this American in his place!"

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up. "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

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Sunday, June 22, 2014

Dog Business



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Close Call



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Taxi Ride

Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for the airport leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaking driver said "Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the living daylights out of me."

The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."


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Conception



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We have a weiner



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Ninety Mile Beach




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Tuesday, June 17, 2014

The Weight of Water



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Maybe she's born with it






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Old Rappers



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Oh! Something new



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Forgive me father

Forgive me father for I have sinned... "go on" says the priest.

"I swore the other day" says the man. "continue" says the priest.

"I was on the golf course the other day and i hit my drive, it was looking perfect, heading dead straight. About 200 yards down my ball hit a power line crossing the fairway."

"And this is when you swore?" asked the priest. "No father, my ball then ricocheted of the power lines and flew off into the deep rough" continued the man.

"This must have been when you swore?" the priest exclaimed.

"No father, not yet. As i was walking over to the rough to hit my second shot a hawk flew down from the trees, picked my ball up in his beak and proceeded to fly off with it," continued the man.

"Ahhh I see" says the priest "this must have been the point where you swore"

"Nope not yet, as the bird flew over the green the ball fell from its mouth and landed two feet from the hole."

The priest pauses for a few seconds "you missed the fucking putt didn't you?"



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Brian Williams Raps "Baby Got Back"





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Thursday, June 12, 2014

What's in the water?






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Dumb and Dumber To - Official Trailer





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Power of a haircut



If y’all need proof of the power of a haircut and facial hair—-this is the same guy.

I have started the new season of OITNB.  It's good.  

Imitating Dog Attack


Guy imitating a dog attack on the news - Video


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Jewwl Caterpillar







This is not a tasty gummy sweet but a Jewel Caterpillar found in Amazon Rainforest. They are covered with sticky goo-like, gellatinous tubercles that provides protection from its predator like ants until they metamorphosise into winged moths.

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My Kids Suck



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Hindsight


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Friday, June 6, 2014

Peaceful



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If I Was God



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Sponges sucking up yellow dye

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Three Men

Three men are standing at the pearly gates. St. Peter tells them, "As you all know God has a sense of humor and his latest idea is to put the Kingdom of Heaven several hundred miles from the Pearly Gates."

"How is that supposed to be funny?" one guy asks. "Well, God had the novel idea of allowing those admitted into Heaven a vehicle to travel that distance, but the quality of your vehicle is based upon how faithful you were to your spouse."

Knowing they can't argue and that God obviously knows all, the men begin confessing their infidelity.

"I admit I screwed around behind my wife's back, but I broke it off with the girl before my wife found out."

One man admits. "Very well," St. Peter responds and gives him a standard bicycle. The guy shrugs and feels a little better confessing.

The second man says with a grin, "I've never actually cheated on my wife." St. Peter raises a skeptical brow.

"Okay... There was one time, but it was technically before we were married! I was drunk and I didn't know what I was doing but I've never been unfaithful after that!"

With a heavy sigh St. Peter grants the second man a car--but in terrible condition.

The third man says proudly, "I've never been unfaithful. Never." The other two stare at the third in disbelief. "No, he's right." St. Peter confirms. "He's been faithful the whole time. In fact he lost his virginity to his wife."

The other two men gape in jealous amazement as the third man is granted a brand new sports car.

The third man obviously can make it down the long, glittering highway toward the Kingdom of Heaven faster than the other two.

However, the first man on the bicycle finds the third man pulled over not too far down the road. Perplexed, he rides to the sports car and finds the man sobbing into his steering wheel. "What's wrong, wise-guy, is this Italian muscle too much for you?" he gloats.

"No..." the third man tries to gain composure. "It's not that... The car is beautiful!" "Then what's your problem?" "I just passed my wife and she was on rollerskates!"

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Gorgeous Anemone



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994lb Dead Lift



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Strongman competitor Hafthor Julius Bjornsson (who gained some fame lately for playing Gregor Clegane aka The Mountain in HBO's Game of Thrones) deadlifts 994 pounds during a recent competition.