Thursday, July 31, 2014

Airplane Peekaboo


TheOatmeal

It's Not About The Nail





Thanks Jeff

Drifting



Thanks Bob

Annoying



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Predicting Weather


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Insane Jump






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Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Why You Should Always Wear a Banana Suit



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Two Italian Men Get on a Bus

Two Italian men get on a bus. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."


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Guy getting ticket...car gets hit....



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Saturday, July 26, 2014

Fail Compilation last week in July





FailArmy

Road Rage Idiot





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It's videos like this that make me want a dash cam.

Daddy Calls Home

“Hello?”, “Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?”

“No Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.”

After a brief pause, Daddy says, “But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Paul.”

“Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.” Brief Pause.

“Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”

“Okay Daddy, just a minute.” A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. “I did it Daddy.”

“And what happened honey?” he asked. Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”

“Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?”

“He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.”

Long Pause

Longer Pause

Even Longer Pause

Then Daddy says, “Swimming pool? …. Is this 486-5731?”


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Off-Road Segway



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Human Organ for Transplant Lunchbox



You can buy it here


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Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Balance



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Little Brothers






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Painting Nuns

Two nuns painting one day at a convent two nuns are instructed by Mother Superior to paint their room. The sisters prepare to paint, and realize they are going to get paint on the habits.

They eventually decide that since the windows in the room are fairly high up and no one is likely to see in, they can just keep the door shut and paint in the nude.

After a few hours of nude painting, the sisters hear a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" the sisters ask. "Blind Man," the man replies.

The sister's look at each other and figure, if he's blind, then he won't even know they are nude.

So they go and open up the door for the blind man. He steps in, takes a good look at each of the sisters and says

"Nice tits, sisters. Where do you want the blinds?"


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Thursday, July 17, 2014

The Gorilla

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. 

So he looks up the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers."

He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be there in 30 minutes.

The gorilla remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a huge, ferocious looking dog.

"What are you going to do?" the homeowner asks.

"I'm going to put up this ladder against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with the bat. When the gorilla falls off, the dog is trained to grab the gorilla's testicles and squeeze. The gorilla will be subdued enough for me to lock him in the cage in the back of the van."says the gorilla remover and hands him the shotgun.

"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.

"If the gorilla knocks ME off the roof, shoot the dog."


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I'm Your New Mom



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Monday, July 14, 2014

The Bear Hunter

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup, and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.
"I've never been better!" he boasted.

"I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant, and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter.

He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."

The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him!
He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear, and squeezed the handle."

"And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No."

The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"

"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor.



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I would have laughed too



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Sunday, July 13, 2014

The Saiga



Saiga is a type of antelope. They are known for their huge, inflatable, and humped nose which help them to filter out airborne dust during the dry summer migrations, and filter out cold air before it reaches their lungs during winter. They are a migratory species, migrating in the summer and winter and can run up to 80 miles per hour in a short time.
Local people kill saiga because of its meat and horns. Horns are used in traditional Chinese medicine. Saiga is listed as critically endangered species and were once in the millions but today only less than 50,000 left in the wild.


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Fail Army





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Holding The Door For Someone



doghousediaries