Sunday, January 31, 2016

Best Snow News Bloopers





NewsBeFunny

"Paul Ryan's Video Diary" — A Bad Lip Reading of Paul Ryan





BadLipReading

Memory Foam



Bizarro

If Google Was A Guy (Part 5)





Previously posted the first 4 videos


CollegeHumor

Thursday, January 28, 2016

At The Supermarket

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at him and say hello!

He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?"

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he as ever been unfaithful to his wife and he says...

"My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I banged on the pool table while you whipped my butt with wet celery???"

She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."


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1940's Party Games






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Heat: The Perfect Blend of Realism and Style





TheNerdWriter

The Two Stages of Winter


FowlLanguageComics

What To Say at a Funeral



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Using Social Media At Work



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Sequin Shirt



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Monday, January 25, 2016

Best Fails of the 3rd Week of January





FailArmy

Hit and Run Fail


Here is the full video if you want to watch

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Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road?

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2014, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2014. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

via and any email forward from your grandfather

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

If Google Was A Guy











CollegeHumor

Futility



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"Newt Gingrich" — A Bad Lip Reading Soundbite





BadLipReading

Moving Giant Steel Beams is Exact Work

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7 Things You (Probably) Didn’t Know About Batman (1989)





Cinefix

At The Hospital

The switchboard operator answered a call at St. Joseph ‘s Hospital. The caller timidly asked, “Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?”
 
The operator said, “I’ll be glad to help, dear. What’s the name and room number of  the patient?”
  
The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, “Norma Findlay, Room 302.”

The operator replied,  “Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse’s station for that room.”
 
After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, “I have good news.  Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow.”

The grandmother said, “Thank you. That’s  wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good news.”
 
The operator replied, “You’re more than welcome. Is Norma your  daughter?”
 
The grandmother said, “No, I’m Norma Findlay in Room 302.  No one tells me shit.”  


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