In a statement released Tuesday, United Airlines announced that they will be expanding their slew of in-flight entertainment & dining options to include physician-assisted suicide.
“We’re always looking out for our passengers’ needs and desire for convenience,” a United spokeswoman said. “Sometimes, flight conditions or mistreatment by our staff cause United passengers to want to put an end to it all and take their own lives. On behalf of the entire airline, I am thrilled to announce that we will be making euthanasia a reality on all medium to long-range domestic flights beginning July 2017.”
With his company in the doghouse over the forceful removal of a passenger from one of its flights on Sunday, United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz was determined to get ahead of the story by issuing a clear and public apology on CNBC which has hosted him frequently in the past.
When told the show had already filled its guest slots, CEO Munoz said that wouldn’t be a problem as he would simply offer a few hundred bucks together with a free meal for one of the guest commentators to be bumped to the next day.