Monday, April 30, 2018

Trump Goes on Fox & Friends and Freaks Out About Michael Cohen: A Closer Look





LNWSM

The Incredible Hulk - Honest Trailer





ScreenJunkies

So Annoying...






What kind of monster would make such an item?



Dirty Rotten Scoundrel





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Jerry Lee Lewis at The Doctor


Too Personal Too Quick




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Sunday, April 29, 2018

Saturday, April 28, 2018

Link List 4-28-18


Michael Cohen once reportedly bragged that he was part of the Russian mob

 

Trump is running America just like his businesses — right into the ground 

 

Everything Coming to Netflix, Hulu and Prime May 2018 - Not a terrible list. I, Tonya will be available on Hulu on May 31st. That is a month away but it is a worthy wait. Fantastic movie. They do an excellent job of breaking the 4th wall, not too much. I fear that other movies will do it a lot with much less success. 

 

12 Things You May Not Know About Mad Magazine 

 

10 Crazy Random Facts

 

 

Yellowstone | Official Trailer #2





Starts on June 20, 2018. It's on the Paramount Network. Apparently, the Paramount Network is what used to be Spike TV. Ah...I don't have cable so I will investigate ways to stream this. I might have to just buy it on iTunes or Prime.

Being out of work




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Friday, April 27, 2018

The Onion Nailing Headlines



TheOnion

Lived Once, Buried Twice



After succumbing to a fever of some sort in 1705, Irish woman Margorie McCall was hastily buried to prevent the spread of whatever had done her in. Margorie was buried with a valuable ring, which her husband had been unable to remove due to swelling. This made her an even better target for body snatchers, who could cash in on both the corpse and the ring.
The evening after Margorie was buried, before the soil had even settled, the grave-robbers showed up and started digging. Unable to pry the ring off the finger, they decided to cut the finger off. As soon as blood was drawn, Margorie awoke from her coma, sat straight up and screamed.
The fate of the grave-robbers remains unknown. One story says the men dropped dead on the spot, while another claims they fled and never returned to their chosen profession.
Margorie climbed out of the hole and made her way back to her home.
Her husband John, a doctor, was at home with the children when he heard a knock at the door. He told the children, “If your mother were still alive, I’d swear that was her knock.”
When he opened the door to find his wife standing there, dressed in her burial clothes, blood dripping from her finger but very much alive, he dropped dead to the floor. He was buried in the plot Margorie had vacated.
Margorie went on to re-marry and have several children. When she did finally die, she was returned to Shankill Cemetery in Lurgan, Ireland, where her gravestone still stands. It bears the inscription “Lived Once, Buried Twice.”



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A Bioluminescent Ghost Mushroom






Found in Australia. The species is Omphalotus Nidiformis. It was found along the Box Vale Mine walking track in Mittagong, New South Wales.


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Life in the 1890's







Life of the 1850s: 45 amazing photos that show how the world looked like over 160 years ago.

Should have been the end of Trump






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Stressed





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Thursday, April 26, 2018

Game Of Thrones: 6 Lesser Known Fan Theories (That Might Actually Be True)





WhatCulture

The Porche


A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, “Where did you get that car?”

He calmly told them, “I bought it today.”

“With what money?” demanded his parents.

We know what a Porsche costs.”

“Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me fifteen dollars.”

So the parents began to yell even louder. “Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?” they asked.

“It was the lady up the street,” said the boy. "Don’t know her name-they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars.”

“Oh my Goodness!” moaned the mother, “she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what’s going on.”

So the boy’s father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias. He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.

“Well,” she said, “this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn't intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did.”



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Link List 4-26-18


First ‘John Wick Chapter 3′ Promo Poster and Synopsis Revealed

 

Judge: Bars are allowed to throw out Trump supporters - These people can dish it out but they can't take it. Being a snowflake Trump supporter is not a protected class. 

 

Dogs cannot get ‘autism’, British Veterinary Association warns after ‘anti-vaxx’ movement spread to pets 

 

 

True Facts: Frog Fish





I'm soooooo happy that ZeFrank is back! This is amazing news. This is my all time favorite web series.

Fine,




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Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Everything Wrong With Thor Ragnarok






CinemaSins

Interrogating Zuckerberg - A Bad Lip Reading





BLR

Ads on Websites




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Witch Hunt





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Link List 4-25-18


Ohio violated Planned Parenthood’s freedom of speech in effort to defund it, federal court rules  - A blow to the Christian right that is trying to punish women for having sex. 

 

Privately run prisoner transport company kept detainee shackled for 18 days in human waste, lawsuit alleges 

 

'Jack Ryan,' Starring John Krasinski, Scores Early Season 2 Renewal at Amazon - That's good news and all, but I wish we could see it! Still have to wait until August. Ugh.

 

Man Starting to Suspect He's Been Listening to Christian Rock 

 

 

Travolta's new thriller - 'Moose'

First Image of John Travolta as a Crazed Stalker in Thriller 'Moose' - Directed by Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit





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Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Clint's Favorite Sub-Genres





CineFix

Blonde Jokes


A redhead goes for a drive through the country, just enjoying the peaceful ride with her windows open.

She has to stop as a shepherd is moving his flock across the road.

The redhead gets out of her car to stretch and has an idea.

"Hey Mister! If I can guess how many sheep you have, may I keep one?"

The shepherd has hundreds of sheep and feels confident enough to agree.

The redhead looks over the flock and says, "361."

The shepherd is stunned that she guessed correctly but, being a man of his word, allows her to pick out her favorite.

The redhead is about to put her new pet in her car when the shepherd calls out to her.

"Hey Lady! If I can guess your real hair color, may I have my dog back?"


____________________________________________________________________________________


A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are all in the OB-GYN's office.

All very much pregnant.

The brunette strokes her belly and then says, "I just know I'm having a boy."

Blonde and redhead: "Why is that?"

Brunette: "Well, teehee, my husband was on top when this baby was conceived."

The redhead IMMEDIATELY says "Well then I guess I'm having a girl then!"

The blonde asks "Why is that?"

Redhead, slowly "Because I was on top when my baby was conceived."

The blonde burst into tears and sobs: "I'm going to have PUPPIES!"


____________________________________________________________________________________

A blonde woman is going door to door offering to paint houses.

A man in an expensive home answers the door.

She makes her offer and the man replies, “I don’t need my house painted but I’ll pay you $50 to paint my porch.”

The blonde agrees, and the guy is feeling like he got an amazing deal because his porch is enormous.

A short while later the blonde knocks on the door again and asks for payment.

The home owner says, “I thought it would take you a lot longer than that, are you sure you got the whole porch?”

The blonde replies, “I sure did mister. In fact, there was enough paint for two coats. And by the way, it isn’t a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

____________________________________________________________________________________


A blonde is going to buy a lottery ticket.

She spends $1, and is delighted to find out that she wins $1,000,000!

As she is claiming her prize, she notices that the rewards will be paid in $1000 installments.

She takes it up with the store, saying "This is unacceptable! Either give me my million bucks or give me my dollar back!"

____________________________________________________________________________________


Two sisters run their fathers old farm, one day they decide they need a new bull to put in the pasture.

The redhead sister is tasked with finding a bull and sending word so the other sister can bring the trailer and pick it up.

Town after town with no luck.

A days drive from their own farm the redhead finds a bull that fits what they're looking for.

She strikes a deal with the owner and heads into the town square to send a telegram to her sister.

She gets to the office to find out she only has enough money left to send one word.

She thinks long and hard about what to send before deciding on the word "comfortable."

Confused the clerk ask why she chose that word, the redhead replied " my sister's blonde, she'll have to read it as "com-for-ta-ble".




Karate CHOP




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Ruining Jokes



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Sunday, April 22, 2018

Mueller Jenga





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Common Core Math




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Link List 4-22-18


Trump Fundraiser Offered Russian Gas Company Plan to Get Sanctions Lifted for $26 Million

 

McCabe to sue Trump admin for defamation, wrongful termination 

 

In 1968, the Supreme Court gutted the Fourth Amendment, certain that it would all work out in the end. It didn't. 

 

New York introduces legislation to prosecute despite presidential pardons 

 

Noah Emmerich to star in Netflix limited series ‘The Spy’

 

 

Underneath a Wave





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Jim Thorpe







This is Jim Thorpe. If you look closely at the photo, you can see he’s wearing different socks and shoes.
This was no fashion statement.
It was the 1912 Olympics and Jim, a Native American from Oklahoma was representing the U.S. in track and field. On the morning of one of his competition, his shoes were stolen.
Luckily, Jim was able to find two shoes in a garbage bin. That’s the pair he’s wearing in the photo. But one of the shoes was too big, so he had to wear an extra sock on that foot.
Jim won a gold medal in the decathlon wearing these shoes.



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Saturday, April 21, 2018

Everything Wrong With The Shape of Water






CinemaSins

If "Anti-Drug" Commercials were Real Life






ZebraCorner

10 Things You Never Knew About The Americans






TVWeb

Alt-Right





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When Transformers have kids




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Nā Pali Coast Hawaii





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Sing it




Toilet-trees


This was on Goodes Ferry Rd (aka 903) South Hill, Virginia. It rumored to have been placed there by a guy who owns a plumbing business.


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Gun Play




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In order now...




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Coming in for a landing




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Musical Chairs




WrongHands

Weird Biology - Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle

OH YE OF LITTLE FACE

hey everybody, welcome to another amazing installment of Weird Biology and WOWIE ZOWIE do I have an odd one for you today!
this bizarre creature is among the largest of its kind, but bears hardly any resemblance to the rest of the family. (we’re sure this gets mentioned a lot at its family holiday dinners.) it has a real mouthful of a name and the spirit of a cranky old man about to whack you in the shin with his walker.
give it up for…
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I’ll just give this image a moment to sink in.
(it’s also called the small-headed softshell turtle, because scientists are a bunch of mean highschoolers.)
seriously, I don’t even really know where to START with this guy. unlike the humble regular earnest hardworking turtle, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle does not have an armored shell (hence the name). instead, its shell is soft and leathery. like a pair of well-broken-in Timblerland boots, except that the boots will not bite you.
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oh, he is absolutely going to bite you.
this soft pliable shell cuts down on the turtle’s weight by a huge amount, making them far more agile in the water and faster on land than a conventional everyman turtle (this should make you worried). the flattened shape of the shell also makes them more hydrodynamic, making them faster in the water than you can possibly imagine.
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for a turtle, I mean.
this is an important advantage, because the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle spends most of its life in the water. they live on the bottoms of sandy rivers across a wide area of central and southern Asia, where they reach sizes best described as fucking huge. adults can reach up to 45 inches (shell length only) and 260 fucking pounds (whole damn turtle).
their total body length can be over a meter. fuuuuuuuuck. a turtle that size needs a LOT of shoulder room, especially because the adults are a bunch of cranky ginormous chompmonsters. (can’t really blame them, I guess. I’d be irritable too, if my head was that small)
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now imagine a cheesed-off 260-pound turtle swimming towards you at Mach Fuck.
Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtles are aggressive, and will attack anything they consider a threat (including humans, fishing boats, and probably also rocks). their primary attack is to just bite the fuck out of whatever is annoying them , but their secondary move is the one to watch out for.
when terminally pissed off, the turtle extends the full length of its surprisingly long neck and delivers a literal cannon headbutt. this attack has been documented as being powerful enough to damage fishing boats. imagine what it would do to your face. (nothing good. if you see this turtle winding up, run.)
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the true face of terror.
when left to its own devices, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle spends its time buried at the bottom of the river, waiting for its next meal to happen by. (which it can do almost indefinitely because softshell turtles can breathe underwater, holy shit.) once another animal smaller than itself passes overhead the turtle strikes, mortally wounding the prey with its nightmare bite (no joke, the first strike usually kills instantly. this is a creature capable of taking a chunk out of your leg). it’s a pretty solid gig, if you’re a lonely grumpmonster.
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beats pumping gas all day, I guess.
in fact, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle spends so much of its life underwater that we… don’t really know all that much about it. apart from the biting thing, I mean. the turtle has been very clear on that.
we’re not even entirely sure how long they live, though captive turtles have made it more than 70 grouchy, grouchy years. locals in India claim that in the wild individual river bastards can stick around for up to 140 years, which I am inclined to believe because these people fish for a living and they have to remember where the boat-sinking nightmare turtles live.
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it’s only common sense.
despite its wide range, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle is now considered Endangered. (note: this is not allowed. what would we replace them with? large cantankerous frogs? big passive-aggressive catfish? I DON’T THINK SO.)
this is primarily due to human hunting, as the turtles are consumed in huge number throughout Asia. (humans will eat anything.)
the government of India has now moved to protect the turtle, restricting trade and moving to conserve the species. we dearly hope this will be enough to save the grumpy frumpy river grandpa.
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please stay with us forever, Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle. we love your tiny tiny face and terrible attitude.

thanks for reading! you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series here.
if you enjoy my work, maybe buy me a coffee to support Weird Biology.

IMAGE SOURCES
img1- Wikimedia Commons img2- conservationindia.org  img3-zoosrcool.wordpress.com  img4- Joel Sartore  img5- Turtle Survival Alliance   img6- Turtle Survival Alliance img7- The TeCake img8- Joel Sartore



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