Saturday, April 21, 2018

Everything Wrong With The Shape of Water






CinemaSins

If "Anti-Drug" Commercials were Real Life






ZebraCorner

10 Things You Never Knew About The Americans






TVWeb

Alt-Right





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When Transformers have kids




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Nā Pali Coast Hawaii





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Sing it




Toilet-trees


This was on Goodes Ferry Rd (aka 903) South Hill, Virginia. It rumored to have been placed there by a guy who owns a plumbing business.


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Gun Play




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In order now...




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Coming in for a landing




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Musical Chairs




WrongHands

Weird Biology - Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle

OH YE OF LITTLE FACE

hey everybody, welcome to another amazing installment of Weird Biology and WOWIE ZOWIE do I have an odd one for you today!
this bizarre creature is among the largest of its kind, but bears hardly any resemblance to the rest of the family. (we’re sure this gets mentioned a lot at its family holiday dinners.) it has a real mouthful of a name and the spirit of a cranky old man about to whack you in the shin with his walker.
give it up for…
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I’ll just give this image a moment to sink in.
(it’s also called the small-headed softshell turtle, because scientists are a bunch of mean highschoolers.)
seriously, I don’t even really know where to START with this guy. unlike the humble regular earnest hardworking turtle, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle does not have an armored shell (hence the name). instead, its shell is soft and leathery. like a pair of well-broken-in Timblerland boots, except that the boots will not bite you.
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oh, he is absolutely going to bite you.
this soft pliable shell cuts down on the turtle’s weight by a huge amount, making them far more agile in the water and faster on land than a conventional everyman turtle (this should make you worried). the flattened shape of the shell also makes them more hydrodynamic, making them faster in the water than you can possibly imagine.
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for a turtle, I mean.
this is an important advantage, because the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle spends most of its life in the water. they live on the bottoms of sandy rivers across a wide area of central and southern Asia, where they reach sizes best described as fucking huge. adults can reach up to 45 inches (shell length only) and 260 fucking pounds (whole damn turtle).
their total body length can be over a meter. fuuuuuuuuck. a turtle that size needs a LOT of shoulder room, especially because the adults are a bunch of cranky ginormous chompmonsters. (can’t really blame them, I guess. I’d be irritable too, if my head was that small)
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now imagine a cheesed-off 260-pound turtle swimming towards you at Mach Fuck.
Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtles are aggressive, and will attack anything they consider a threat (including humans, fishing boats, and probably also rocks). their primary attack is to just bite the fuck out of whatever is annoying them , but their secondary move is the one to watch out for.
when terminally pissed off, the turtle extends the full length of its surprisingly long neck and delivers a literal cannon headbutt. this attack has been documented as being powerful enough to damage fishing boats. imagine what it would do to your face. (nothing good. if you see this turtle winding up, run.)
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the true face of terror.
when left to its own devices, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle spends its time buried at the bottom of the river, waiting for its next meal to happen by. (which it can do almost indefinitely because softshell turtles can breathe underwater, holy shit.) once another animal smaller than itself passes overhead the turtle strikes, mortally wounding the prey with its nightmare bite (no joke, the first strike usually kills instantly. this is a creature capable of taking a chunk out of your leg). it’s a pretty solid gig, if you’re a lonely grumpmonster.
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beats pumping gas all day, I guess.
in fact, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle spends so much of its life underwater that we… don’t really know all that much about it. apart from the biting thing, I mean. the turtle has been very clear on that.
we’re not even entirely sure how long they live, though captive turtles have made it more than 70 grouchy, grouchy years. locals in India claim that in the wild individual river bastards can stick around for up to 140 years, which I am inclined to believe because these people fish for a living and they have to remember where the boat-sinking nightmare turtles live.
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it’s only common sense.
despite its wide range, the Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle is now considered Endangered. (note: this is not allowed. what would we replace them with? large cantankerous frogs? big passive-aggressive catfish? I DON’T THINK SO.)
this is primarily due to human hunting, as the turtles are consumed in huge number throughout Asia. (humans will eat anything.)
the government of India has now moved to protect the turtle, restricting trade and moving to conserve the species. we dearly hope this will be enough to save the grumpy frumpy river grandpa.
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please stay with us forever, Narrow-Headed Softshell Turtle. we love your tiny tiny face and terrible attitude.

thanks for reading! you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series here.
if you enjoy my work, maybe buy me a coffee to support Weird Biology.

IMAGE SOURCES
img1- Wikimedia Commons img2- conservationindia.org  img3-zoosrcool.wordpress.com  img4- Joel Sartore  img5- Turtle Survival Alliance   img6- Turtle Survival Alliance img7- The TeCake img8- Joel Sartore



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Friday, April 20, 2018

The Equalizer 2 | Trailer





In theaters July 20, 2018.

Making Attorneys Get Attorneys




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Headline of the day




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Appropriate sign graffiti




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First set of twins




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Link List 4-20-18

 

Judge rules Trump administration's cut to Teen Pregnancy Prevention program illegal  - (Thank goodness for common sense and checks and balances).


InfoWars' Alex Jones Says He's Been Defamed by Defamation Suits

 

New drug uses antibodies to stop chronic migraines by blocking the neural pathway that sends pain signals to the brain during a migraine. Phase III trials on about 1,000 subjects are complete now and there are already plans for it to be approved by the FDA. - This is exciting! Hopefully it doesn't cost a fortune. 

 

As Workers See Crumbs, Biggest Wall Street Banks Have Already Pocketed $2.5 Billion From Trump Tax Scam 

 

PR Disaster: United Airlines Has Apologized To A Passenger After The Bomb In His Suitcase Was Destroyed Mid-Flight (ClickHole)

 

 

Spooky lone oak tree, North Yorkshire, UK



by Simon Baxter

Uber is here





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Thursday, April 19, 2018

Asshat Marker at The Kensington Wine Rooms in London



”It was during a May 2016 drinking session at London's Kensington Wine Rooms that Trump campaign foreign-policy adviser George Papadopoulos told an Australian diplomat that Russia had ‘dirt’ on Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton.”



Dream Job!


Apparently, they are offing just over minimum wage for this shit. 




This could be yours!





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Ice Cube Shapes




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Hannity's Show




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Link List 4-19-18


‘Homeland’: Claire Danes Confirms Series Will End With Season 8.

 

Bill protecting Robert Mueller to get vote despite McConnell opposition - (Except Grassley is pushing this bill in order to limit the investigative power of Mueller according to Dianne Feinstein).

 

Full Colbert Interview with James Comey (YouTube)

 

14 Facts About Empire Records 

 

10 Terrifying Tales of When Squirrels Attack

 

 

Ambiguous Shape Shifting





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Birds With Arms











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Jellyfish





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Naming Stuff




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How to Gird Your Loins




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These political cartoons are getting a bit real




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Driving with your knees




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Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Top 10 Improvised Scenes in Movie History





CineFix

Everything Wrong With Atomic Blonde






CinemaSins

Baby Driver - Honest Trailer






ScreenJunkies

Thirsty




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Safe, Smooth, Ride







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Pinnacle of Signs




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Driving in the Springtime




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How to stay clean at a race




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Just a bit longer




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Say It Ain't Snow




Josh Hara

Now you




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